My Rainy Day

What a dark morning this morning
This past two weeks, every morning was started with a rainy day
a cold dark rainy day...

I cant hold my self to not to write here
i just cant take it anymore
i need to talk and only with this way i can throw it all from my head, my mind, my heart.
for sure i cannot talk to anyone exept my self and this blog.

I start to think everything slowly turn into a fake live
people start to lie for many reason to me
and i felt that You did the same thing to me
well... its not really about people, i dont care about how people treat me
Its all about you
about things when we start to blame each other,
about things when we start to questioning our feeling to each other (i mean when i start questioning)
about things when we start to argue...
Me : why dont you call me?
You: why dont you??
Me : why you ignore me?
You: why do you??
Me : why do u angry??
You: i am not, you're the one that angry to me
Etc etc etc......
about things when i wonder whether you really telling me the truth??
about things when i feel that you try to avoiding me for some rason
about things when i start to felt uncomfortable and sad more then i have experience before
About things when i start to feel so low... coz u only need me when you need me
and about many things more.....which i know if i do talk about this with you i will get a grimming face, a not understand look, a voice with 'whats wrong with you' meaning and maybe maybe maybe others

That is how i feel, what i feel, dunno whether its a true feeling or just my feeling
but what ever happened, i have to promise my self that i would be good..

humm..jadi inget lagunya Alanis Morrisette

That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

That I would be fine even even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be goodWhether with or without you

I know i will :)